Is there a difference between frenemy, arch nemesis or a bully? Maybe, maybe not. All have a long term effect on a child’s life and often into adulthood. I recently watched You Again. Funny movie, but the reality of how cruel classmates can be and how long lasting the effects were obvious. I guess I was lucky and I didn’t have a bully. I do know they exist and I know they can make life awful. I worry for my children. I worry that children are becoming more desensitized to cruelty and meanness.
Why has frenemy, arch nemesis and bully become accepted behavior and commonly accepted words? Should our kids really have to “toughen” up? Do we really have to tell our kids, “Don’t let it get to you.” Is this healthy? NO! Every person should be able to feel safe and good about themselves. Bullying does not have to be accepted as “normal” in growing up. Does it exist? Yes. Is it commonplace? Perhaps. What exactly is bullying?
PBS television station wrote the following about the subject:
“Physical bullying means:
- Hitting, kicking, or pushing someone…or even just threatening to do it
- Stealing, hiding or ruining someone’s things
- Making someone do things he or she don’t want to do
Verbal bullying means:
- Name-calling
- Teasing
- Insulting
Relationship bullying means:
- Refusing to talk to someone
- Spreading lies or rumors about someone
- Making someone do things he or she doesn’t want to do
What do all these things have in common? They’re examples of ways one person can make another person feel hurt, afraid, or uncomfortable. When these are done to someone more than once, and usually over and over again for a long period of time, that’s bullying.
The reason why one kid would want to bully another kid is this: when you make someone feel bad, you gain power over him or her. Power makes people feel like they’re better than another person, and then that makes them feel really good about themselves. Power also makes you stand out from the crowd. It’s a way to get attention from other kids, and even from adults.”
Who are bullies? It can be “friends”, family, classmates, teammates, “the kid who has it all,” taller, shorter, etc. They all have this in common: they are people who someone else or something is making them feel inferior so they are picking on someone else to feel important or validated.
How do you deal with bullies? What do you teach your children about bullies? Ideas?